Category Archives: married to a geologist

On this Day, I Love You Even More

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On this day twelve years ago, I told a man “I love you” for the first time. I was scared to say those words. I was worried what the future would hold for us seeing as how we met while studying in a foreign country and our homes in the States were far apart. However, he told me he loved me too. He treated me like I was a princess, and we have been together ever since.

It has not been an easy road. We have had our share of heartaches and hardships. While we have been married for almost 11 years, there have been times where we did not say the words “I love you” much. There have been times where I think we didn’t even like each other much, and yet here we are twelve years from that first day we uttered those words and in love more now than we were then.

What is our secret? I think the answer lies in that we are really just stubborn, I guess. Also, we took our marriage vows very seriously about the “for better or for worse” part. Marriage is a lot of work. There will be trials. However, the key is communication in getting through those trials. Yes, I know not every marriage will work, but when you love someone, it is worth the effort to try.

I am happy to say on this day to my handsome husband of almost 11 years: “I love you more today than I did yesterday, more than I did the first day I told you I love you. I will love you until the end of my days, and I am thankful that you are mine!”

Have you told your spouse lately how much he/she means to you?

Mommy needs a time out

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Tonight I hit the wall, that invisible wall that says, “Hey, stop here. You are doing too much. You can’t go any further.” Yup, that would be the wall I hit.

My husband left over a week ago for Canada, and I have been going at full tilt pretty much ever since. I had to keep the kids busy, catch up on work, process orders, do schoolwork with the kids, take care or finances, give extra cuddles, attempt to go to the bathroom alone, realize after attempting that there were little hands under the door that reminded me that I could not even pee in peace, give more extra cuddles, try to figure out what else was making my six year old just a little off, realizing what was wrong with my six year old (I will explain that in a moment), and want to cry. So tonight, I just gave up. I forgot to take my son to cub scouts. I fed my children pizza bites. Then I tried to hide out on the sofa and put myself into a sugar coma which did not help at all by the way and only brought me to the point of letting the kids watch extra television tonight because I was just too tired. And if you think that this last paragraph seems a bit rambly and muddled, then you have a keen sense of what is going on in my head right now.

I just want a break. I love my kids dearly, but sometimes, especially when my husband is gone, I just want an hour where I can just breathe, read, or do something on my own. Tonight was one of those times. The kids have been so clingy, and finally I snapped at them. I felt bad afterwards. I felt even worse when I thought about how we were going to have a baby, and the I start questioning the idea of trying again, wondering if I would really be able to handle three kids.

It has been an emotional week. My daughter has missed her daddy a little more than usual. Of course, he was home for three weeks, so naturally it would be hard on her. Then she was talking to her cousin on the phone the other day, and her cousin told her about the new baby cousin she will have this summer. I hadn’t told her. Honestly, I am still trying to come to terms with it. I am happy for my brother and his wife deep down, but in a way, it does bother me a bit. This will be my brother’s sixth child. I was just trying to have a third. The baby will be born soon after mine was supposed to be born, so when my daughter told me that it wasn’t fair, I couldn’t help but agree with her in my head.

I don’t talk about the loss of the baby much, but it is still on my mind. My husband and I have been talking of trying again, but I am afraid. I am afraid of it happening again. I am afraid of my husband being gone. I am afraid of feeling empty and alone.

My husband was supposed to be gone six to eight weeks. I found out tonight he is coming home this weekend for a week. I couldn’t be happier. I need to take a breather. I love my kids, but I need a time out now and then.

For all of you who have a full plate and are running the house on your own, what do you do to stay sane?

Why it sucks to have a birthday close to the holidays

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I tend to give children with birthdays close to Christmas a little extra when I do parties for them. Sometimes I will give extra prizes, games, and have even dressed up like Queen Frostine just because their birthday happened to be close to the holidays. Why would I do that? Well, I guess it is because I know how much it sucks to have a birthday this time of year.

My birthday is two weeks and one day after Christmas. When I was younger, it wasn’t so bad, but as I have gotten older, it has started to get to me. I think it was when a family member forgot my birthday the first time. Then there was the birthday where everyone forgot a milestone birthday. Then for the last couple years, my birthday became Christmas because we had to delay the holiday because my husband was away. I ended up buying my cake both years.  Anymore, I usually pick out my own presents, and it is not that I want presents. I would honestly just love flowers, a handmade card, or just something to make me feel special.

This year, my husband is away again. There won’t be any celebrating, cards, or presents. It just kinda sucks.

Do any of you have birthdays close to Christmas? Have you ever been forgotten? I would love to hear from you!

Life, The Universe, and Everything (or something like that)

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I know it has been a bit of a ghost town lately here. If you have been following my blog for a while, you already know that there has been a lot of craziness with my husband’s job and many other things as well. Last month was a crazy time for us in that I was sick, the kids had recital, we had to get our first homeschool portfolio and evaluation done, and my husband went back to Canada. Needless to say, I ended the month with taking a break from everything online while enjoying family time at Myrtle Beach as well as getting to know my awesome sister-in-law Jen better while doing it.

As of right now, my husband is in Alaska for work. We think he will be back in a few weeks. Who knows really? We have a summer exchange student from Spain with us. The website is still a work in progress. I am getting ready for two big giveaways. Oh, and I am moving my physical store location this month. Plus, we are having the kids’ birthday party tomorrow since last month was pretty crazy too. To be honest, I am a little very overwhelmed. I have problems concentrating  anyways, so having a pile of life stuff to sort through right now is a little daunting. Yet, I am sure I can do it. I may be a little slower, but I will work through it.

The other day I was talking to a fellow business owner who is taking a break from her business due to some other life issues. I told her that one of the things about owning a small business like hers or mine is that we can adjust things to fit what is going on in our lives, and it is true. I know that my business is what I put into it, and while sometimes it pains me to put things on hold because I know I am hindering myself, I also know that I am no good to my family, my friends, and even my customers if I am too stressed out.

I know some of you probably feel frazzled like me. I know it sometimes seems really hard to take a breather, but remember that you are only one person and not Superwoman, even though I have to admit, having super powers would be pretty darn cool.

What are you struggling with this week? What do you do to cope with stress? As always, I love hearing from you!

Family Planning for the Long-Distance Family

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I am going to come right out and tell everyone that yes, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby. While some of my friends know this, a lot of my family do not. I know it sounds crazy because my kids are almost 6 and 9. My husband is away so much of the time, and yet I have been wanting another child for a while. My husband and my children have wanted the same. So we decided to try while my husband has been home for spring break up. My husband leaves again next week, and I am not sure when he is coming back home. They are looking at transferring him again, so he has no real schedule, and as you may have already guessed, I am NOT pregnant.

Somehow I figured with him being home for two months that this would be easy. I have so many friends that are pregnant right now, and some weren’t even trying. When I discovered I wasn’t pregnant last month, I cried. Tonight, I had sobbed. I know that this is not over, and that if it is meant to be, it will be. I also know that two months is a short time to be trying. However, the fact that there is no schedule for my husband is starting to weigh on me. I can hope that mother nature is not visiting when he is home, but really I have no clue. I feel a bit heartbroken.

This is what family planning for the Long-Distance Family looks like. I can’t plan around my ovulation schedule. I can just hope that my husband doesn’t come home when I have my period and cross my fingers for the best.

For now, I guess I will just continue to love my munchkins and dote on everyone else’s babies while I keep hoping for another one of my own.

Running on Empty

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That about sums up how I feel today. This week has been emotionally harder than I thought it would be. As many of you are aware, my husband’s company has moved him to Canada. He was home for most of last month waiting for his passport renewal to get back and preparing for the trip. I got comfortable in him being home. I thought I had a little more time. However, he received a call a few days ago and started heading for Calgary on Friday. And while I have been through all of this before, I just can’t seem to get my emotions in check this time.

He has worked far away in the past. In 2010, he was gone for over 300 days of the year. I swore I never wanted to go through that again. I think that is what is bothering me the most, not the fact that he just left and it was so quick or that the kids have already managed to drive me up a wall, but that I am afraid. I am afraid of repeating 2010 again. I am afraid of what it will do to our marriage. I am afraid of the unknown. There are so many of them right now. I don’t know how long he will be gone, if he will have a schedule, how long his time home will be, if we will end up taking partial residency in Canada, if we will be able to Skype or talk on the phone because he will be on a remote location, or  how I will be able to keep it together and stay strong when I feel so alone. Right now, I just feel so drained. I just want to crawl under the covers and cry. I just want someone to hug me and tell me it’s ok. I just want my children to not take this all out on me because I really just don’t have anymore patience right now. I just want to be strong, but I feel like I am falling apart.

I know I will get through this somehow. I just wish that I was Superwoman and not an emotional basket case.

I know I am not the only one who has been through times like this, so my question to any of my readers with significant others who are often away is this: How do you get through the emotional times and the times when everything seems like one big unknown?

I love hearing your thoughts, suggestions, and comments!

Mommy Needs a Time-Out…

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   …Actually, I just really need a day off. The retail part of me has just finished a most awesome holiday retail season. However, in order to make sure all my work was getting done and that the kids were getting enough mommy time (since they are a bit clingy when Daddy is away), this mommy has not really had a moment to herself in a long time. I know that there are mamas out there that can go forever without needing time to herself. Unfortunately, I am not one of those mamas, especially with all the new developments in our household. The kids now know about my husband going to work in Canada. Needless to say, they have reservations about it, probably for some of the same reasons that I have, such as the fact that we miss him when he is gone. This being said, they are taking all of their frustration out on me. They are extra clingy, and they have been acting out… a lot! I have been trying to be more understanding and patient. However, this weekend my patience wore very thin. I am tired, physically and mentally. I daydream of heading out the door and into my car as soon as my husband gets home this week. While I am not perfect, and sometimes I yell or lose my patience, I do have some tricks up my sleeve to help me cope with the stress.

1. Taking a few deep breaths. Yeah, it is cliche, but it does help. It sometimes makes the difference between me letting loose like a dragon or getting my wits together.

2. Get enough rest. I know it is sometimes hard to get enough sleep. However, be careful that you don’t overload yourself with caffeine because you may end up keeping yourself awake. Also, if you can’t get a lot of sleep, at least pace yourself. If you are a mama with small children, using your child’s quiet time or nap time as a time to regroup is always great too!

3. Get Dressed… as in dress up a little bit. Even when I was a child and in a funk, I would dress up for the fun of it, and it always made me feel a bit better that day. Some days, I put on a cute shirt and some leggings and go for a walk. It makes me feel like a million bucks and puts me in a great mood!

4. Change the scenery. I homeschool, and in the winter, it is sometimes easy to get in that rut of wanting to hibernate because the house is warm, and the outside is cold! (Yes, I am Captain Obvious here). I like being warm. However, getting everyone out the door, whether it is for a walk, impromptu field trip, or a stroll around the mall gets us doing something different and will put my children in a better mood which puts me in a better mood.

5. Stop beating yourself up! If I lose my patience, I apologize to the kids later, and I just work at not letting it happen again. I don’t dwell on it. I am going to screw up in life. I know that. You know that. If I keep thinking about it, it is only going to make things worse.

6. If you are really stressed and need to regroup (because of children, stress, adults, spouse, parents, etc…) go to the bathroom and close the door for a few minutes. There are times that I lock the door and have a good cry for a few minutes or sit on the floor and read a magazine article or just re-apply my makeup. It doesn’t matter what you do in there. It is just a way to separate yourself from your stress for a few minutes so that you can gather your wits about you.

7. Put yourself in time-out. I have only just started doing this around my children. I tell my kids I am in time-out and all the time-out rules apply. Of course, I don’t sit in the time-out spot on the stairs, but I sit down and calm down.

Using some of these can help a mama (or anyone else) from having a meltdown. What do you do when you feel you are going to explode?

What a Mama Like Me Needs…

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Ok, so if you have been keeping up on things around here, you might remember how I said last week that my husband is going to be sent to Canada at the beginning of the year for his job. Considering that this is NOT the only stressful thing going on in my life right now, I think I am handling everything quite well. However, I have been doing a lot of thinking about everything in the past week, and after reading other comments by women in my online support groups, I thought I would take a moment to write something that has been weighing heavy on my heart.

To be very honest, it gets a little lonely here when my husband is gone. I say this next part with nothing against my friends, but I think a lot of times my friends kinda forget about me or seem to think that since it seems like I am Superwoman that I really AM Superwoman. I can’t tell you how many times I have thought about packing up and moving back to Ohio to my family just so I won’t be alone.

You see, I don’t live close to my family, and my husband’s family doesn’t live close to us either. Because I homeschool and own my own business, I do not have a lot of time for myself. I don’t get a lot of “me” time, and I don’t really get a break. I know that it seems like I have taken a lot on by doing all of this, but I really do like it. I like to stay busy because it keeps my mind occupied.

I am not saying this to get anyone’s pity. I am stating this because I know I am not the only one who feels like this. So I wanted to share my thoughts on how you can help mamas like me, ones that are overwhelmed without husbands or with husbands who are absent for long periods of time. So here they are:

1. Let us know you care–whether it be a phone call, a wall post, or coming by for coffee. Sometimes just knowing that someone cares makes all the difference.

2. Still invite us to things. We may not always be able to go, but I know if I advanced notice, I can often times get a babysitter (well if it is in the evenings).

3. Be supportive. Don’t criticize our husband’s jobs or lifestyle unless you have been in our shoes. I know for many of my friends and family, it is hard to understand why my husband would take the career path he has and why I would support it, but this is my family’s choice. All I ask is that my friends and family can be encouraging (especially on bad days when I really just need to vent).

Right now, these are things that I really need from my friends and family right now. These are common themes I have seen in other women in my position. I know it is hard to understand my family’s lifestyle. I don’t even understand it. I kinda feel like I have been thrown into it without a map and have been bumbling along the way. I appreciate those who have been supportive.

If you are a Mama like me, what is it that you need to get by when the loneliness comes?

Pouring my Heart out

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Little over three years ago, my husband changed careers to work as a geologist in the oilfield. While I am happy he has a job, sometimes I have a hard time accepting the constant changes that come with it. It is a hard life. I ended up joining a few online support groups for Oilfield Wives because it gets so lonely. Anyways…he changed companies at the end of the summer, and for the first time in three years, we actually had a fairly predictable schedule, one I could actually like. It helped so much because as any oilfield wife (or wife of a husband who has to be gone from family for long periods of time) would tell you, it puts a serious strain on your marriage and relationship. For the first time in a very long time, my husband and I were able to actually reconnect and work on our marriage. Life was good.

However, tonight, we had a curveball thrown our way. My husband’s rig will be laying down after the first of the year. So he will be sent somewhere else. We live in Pennsylvania. He has already worked Kansas, Missouri, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Montana, and North Dakota.  Now he will be working in Canada. His schedule will change, and we will only see him for about a week out of the month (I am not sure if that includes travel time or not). Needless to say, I am a little taken aback right now.

My husband assures me that it is not forever, and I don’t want to complain to him or even complain about his job when I feel damn lucky that he has one. However, it hurts so bad. Our marriage is starting to heal. Our relationship is blossoming. Our kids love seeing him more. We were even contemplating having another child. Now I just don’t know. He assured me it will be okay, but unfortunately, I remember the last time he had to go so far away. In 2010 because of the distance and everything else, we saw each other about 60 days of the entire year. It put a serious strain on our marriage and really wore me out. I know it wore him out as well.

I know he is excited about the opportunity. Maybe it will all work out in the end, but right now I just want to eat all the holiday goodies the kids and I made yesterday until I am in a white flour and sugar induced haze and then crawl under my covers and hide for a while.

He won’t be home for the holidays, and next month, he won’t even be in the same country. To all of you with spouses who have to go far away for long periods of time, how do you do it because I feel like my heart is breaking right now?