Making new friends as a mom…why does it feel like dating all over again?

If you are a new mom or have just recently moved into a new area and have children, you might be thinking of ways to meet other women like yourself. You may find yourself envisioning this one person as your new bff and that she will have a child or children who will of course become best friends with yours. A girl can dream right? Then reality hit you, and all of a sudden you are looking at things like compatibility and taking a completely different analytical standpoint than you did when you met your best friend from elementary school or college. All of a sudden, you look at the situation in front of you and discover that you are in fact “mommy dating.”

My husband and I coined the term “mommy dating” when I began to look for new friends a few years ago when we were preparing to move to the area we live now. One of our good friends had joined an online dating site, and I found myself discussing his dates and my potential playdates and realized that there were quite a few similarities. We were both looking for “the one.” With him, it was a life partner to whom he could share his life, and with me, it was someone I could talk to and do things just like I did with my friends who now lived very far away. In school and college, finding friends seemed so easy, but once children are added into the mix, it suddenly got complicated.

It becomes harder to make friends with those who don’t have children because of things like the babysitter issue or the fact that some people don’t like children. Then when you are trying to make friends with those who have children, you are also looking at their kids as well. Are their children good playmates for your children? Does their children have bad habits that you don’t want for your children? It is a lot to take into consideration.

I did find a few playgroups through Meetup. Meetup has groups for everything, it seems. I have made quite a few friends over the past few years from the playgroups that I have joined. However, I still yearn sometimes for a bff here that I still have yet to find. I have some friends here that come close, and maybe I am partly to blame because the whole process of making friends after childbirth has made me think differently. Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that I miss my friends that now live far away and feel that if I did have an actual bff here, I would be replacing them. Who knows? Maybe she is closer than I think, and I just have to be patient.

So if you are a mom and are lacking in the socialization area, please know you are not alone. Also, try looking at different social networking outlets and maybe you might find something for your area to meet other moms just like you, and try to get involved in playgroups and your children’s school or extra curricular activities. Who knows, you might find other people like you!

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