What a Mama Like Me Needs…

Ok, so if you have been keeping up on things around here, you might remember how I said last week that my husband is going to be sent to Canada at the beginning of the year for his job. Considering that this is NOT the only stressful thing going on in my life right now, I think I am handling everything quite well. However, I have been doing a lot of thinking about everything in the past week, and after reading other comments by women in my online support groups, I thought I would take a moment to write something that has been weighing heavy on my heart.
To be very honest, it gets a little lonely here when my husband is gone. I say this next part with nothing against my friends, but I think a lot of times my friends kinda forget about me or seem to think that since it seems like I am Superwoman that I really AM Superwoman. I can’t tell you how many times I have thought about packing up and moving back to Ohio to my family just so I won’t be alone.
You see, I don’t live close to my family, and my husband’s family doesn’t live close to us either. Because I homeschool and own my own business, I do not have a lot of time for myself. I don’t get a lot of “me” time, and I don’t really get a break. I know that it seems like I have taken a lot on by doing all of this, but I really do like it. I like to stay busy because it keeps my mind occupied.
I am not saying this to get anyone’s pity. I am stating this because I know I am not the only one who feels like this. So I wanted to share my thoughts on how you can help mamas like me, ones that are overwhelmed without husbands or with husbands who are absent for long periods of time. So here they are:
1. Let us know you care–whether it be a phone call, a wall post, or coming by for coffee. Sometimes just knowing that someone cares makes all the difference.
2. Still invite us to things. We may not always be able to go, but I know if I advanced notice, I can often times get a babysitter (well if it is in the evenings).
3. Be supportive. Don’t criticize our husband’s jobs or lifestyle unless you have been in our shoes. I know for many of my friends and family, it is hard to understand why my husband would take the career path he has and why I would support it, but this is my family’s choice. All I ask is that my friends and family can be encouraging (especially on bad days when I really just need to vent).
Right now, these are things that I really need from my friends and family right now. These are common themes I have seen in other women in my position. I know it is hard to understand my family’s lifestyle. I don’t even understand it. I kinda feel like I have been thrown into it without a map and have been bumbling along the way. I appreciate those who have been supportive.
If you are a Mama like me, what is it that you need to get by when the loneliness comes?



  1. Amy
    December 23, 2011 at 6:32 am

    I for one need a little me time… since my daughter was born two years ago I consistently notice that I am a better mother and person if I get a few hours to myself here and there. I can’t tell you how much I value my friends who love to have Bella over to play. She loves it and so do I!
    It’s so important for us mamas to figure out what we need and then make it happen in order to do the best job possible.
    Thanks for this post!

    • bearhaven
      December 23, 2011 at 11:34 pm

      I love when my kids can have a playdate with their friends. I tell my kids, on the rare times I do get out, that as much as I love them, sometimes I need to get out so I can be a better mommy.
      Thanks for reading!

  2. M
    February 23, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Hey, my husband is a directional driller and doesn’t have scheduled days off. Long story short, I leave the tv on. When it’s really bad I rent a chick flick. It’s just me & my 2 yr old daughter. She goes to bed at 8…. Gets pretty darn lonesome! I also try to get ready every day. I just started making him xtra of our meals so he has something to bring with him next time. It makes me feel like woman to be taking care of him…. Even if it’s just cookies & lasagna. Give yourself a few minutes outside in the sun everyday!!! Just enjoy nature and breathe. Hope this helps.

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