That about sums up how I feel today. This week has been emotionally harder than I thought it would be. As many of you are aware, my husband’s company has moved him to Canada. He was home for most of last month waiting for his passport renewal to get back and preparing for the trip. I got comfortable in him being home. I thought I had a little more time. However, he received a call a few days ago and started heading for Calgary on Friday. And while I have been through all of this before, I just can’t seem to get my emotions in check this time.
He has worked far away in the past. In 2010, he was gone for over 300 days of the year. I swore I never wanted to go through that again. I think that is what is bothering me the most, not the fact that he just left and it was so quick or that the kids have already managed to drive me up a wall, but that I am afraid. I am afraid of repeating 2010 again. I am afraid of what it will do to our marriage. I am afraid of the unknown. There are so many of them right now. I don’t know how long he will be gone, if he will have a schedule, how long his time home will be, if we will end up taking partial residency in Canada, if we will be able to Skype or talk on the phone because he will be on a remote location, or how I will be able to keep it together and stay strong when I feel so alone. Right now, I just feel so drained. I just want to crawl under the covers and cry. I just want someone to hug me and tell me it’s ok. I just want my children to not take this all out on me because I really just don’t have anymore patience right now. I just want to be strong, but I feel like I am falling apart.
I know I will get through this somehow. I just wish that I was Superwoman and not an emotional basket case.
I know I am not the only one who has been through times like this, so my question to any of my readers with significant others who are often away is this: How do you get through the emotional times and the times when everything seems like one big unknown?
I love hearing your thoughts, suggestions, and comments!