Dear Future Baby

Dear Readers, this is in response to all of the parenting articles I have read lately. If they confuse you as much as they do me, you probably understand where I am coming from on this.

To the little being inside me:

It has come to my attention recently that no matter what I do, I am probably doing something wrong. Let’s face it you are baby #3, so all of those dreams of playing classical music while pregnant in hopes that you are going to be some sort of prodigy child are long gone. Besides, your sister listened to a lot of Queen and heavy metal while growing in my tummy, and she is a genius. Your big brother is the same way too. I am pretty sure about as soothing as we are going to get here is me playing an Apocalyptica ballad now and then. You will just have to learn to live with it. It probably won’t get much better after you are born.

Also, I am sorry that you will probably never have a gender neutral doll house. Honestly, if I am going to invest in a doll house, it is going to be fancy as heck, come in some sort of kit that will take me 5 years to finish, and well, if you are as active as the other two, it probably won’t be finished until you have grandchildren anyways. It is not that I want to make you all girly if you are a girl or manly if you are a boy, because your sister dresses up as General Grievous and plays with action figures and your brother loves his Cabbage Patch Kids. It is that I am just sick of having the whole issue of gender neutrality in my face. I want you kids to be kids. If you are a girl who wants Barbies, then you shall have Barbies. If you are a boy who wants to play nothing but Iron Man all day long, so be it. Most likely this will put you into therapy somehow. Sorry about that.

Also sorry about the lack of socialization you are going to have from playing with kids every day. I know homeschooling is rough. I mean we have all those playdates, field trips, and activities. I don’t know how you will manage. I guess you will just suffer along with the rest of us.

So kid, there you have it. Those are the hardcore facts that await your life outside my belly. And don’t even think about staying in there longer than you should because I will have you evicted. Yup, I know its a cruel world.

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