The long distance marriage

Photographer: culturalibre (pixabay)

Photographer: culturalibre (pixabay)

Little over six years ago, my husband announced he was taking a job in the oilfield as a geologist. Originally, he was going to be gone for a month, home for a bit and gone a month. We were going to move to Colorado eventually, and he was going to be mostly working out of an office after that. However, things didn’t go quite as planned, and six years later, he is still working in the field, just not so far away…at the moment.

He has worked out west. He worked in North Dakota and Montana. He has been up in Canada, and he has done some work in Alaska. We had a year where he was away for over 300 days, and I will admit that it took a bit for our marriage to recover from that one. Yet here we are, and while it is hard work, and it is a struggle sometimes, we try our best to make things work.

One of the questions a lot of people have had for me over the past few years of trying to have a baby has been why I would want to do this to myself with him being gone so much. Honestly, we both didn’t feel our family was finished growing yet. I knew it would be difficult, but with our two other kids being older, I thought I could handle it better. Granted, there are some days where I wonder if I can, but it is getting better. Newborns are hard. They don’t sleep when we want them to sleep, and they can’t tell us what is wrong. We have to try to figure it out ourselves, and no child comes with a manual. It does get better. I mean my baby took a three and a half hour nap today. It was AMAZING! When my husband first started working in the field, my other daughter had just turned two. I survived the terrific twos, the extra terrific threes, and the funtastic fours with her (please know that I am being sarcastic and am really hoping that I do not have the same trials with this baby).

Right now, it is difficult for me and my husband. I wish he was here. I feel very lonely at times and don’t always want to ask for help, even when it is obvious I need it. There are times I am jealous of my friends who have someone who gets to come home every night. Then there are the times when I am running on nothing but coffee and a prayer that I get jealous of my husband because he gets to go to sleep at the end of the day when I do not. However, I know that he has his own issues because he doesn’t get to see the kids everyday. He misses recitals, kids losing their first teeth, holidays, cuddles, and just the silly things that the kids do one day that they may not do the next.

What we always need to work on is communication. Long distance marriages can work, but they require lots of give and take and to always be communicating. We don’t have the perfect marriage, but we do try. Right now we have to try extra hard. We are both stressed, exhausted, and frazzled. Sometimes it is hard to say what we want to say because we aren’t thinking straight. It is hard to connect when we are being pulled in twenty different directions when we are together because of the chaos that is from having a newborn. However, it’s worth it. I can’t imagine being with anyone else but him. I can’t imagine a life without the three kids. The time being an exhausted parent of a newborn is short, and we just have to keep trying to connect however we can, even if it is just sending goofy memes to each other on Facebook from time to time.

All marriages have their ups and downs, and it takes a lot of work. If you are in a long distance marriage, what do you do to make things work when your spouse is away? Feel free to comment below or connect with me on Facebook.

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