I knew going into all of this that having a baby while also having a husband in the oilfield was not going to be easy. I had a baby with colic, one with acid reflux, and I also did the single parent schtick for a few months with my son as a baby when my husband was in basic training. Back then, we had just moved to the area, knew almost no one, and my local support system included a few friends and my son’s godparents. Granted, my son was sleeping through the night by that point, but it wasn’t always easy.
After an emotional roller coaster of the past few years, we have baby number 3, and I love Sweet Pea more than words can say. However, the past six months have been pretty difficult. Part of that has been the transition of going from big kids to baby stage again. Part of it has been unresolved emotional issues from the miscarriages. Part of it has been trying to balance life as a homeschooling, work-at-home mom to being all that with an infant. Add the fact that Sweet Pea just doesn’t sleep, not as a newborn and not very well now, and well, it’s definitely not all sunshine and roses. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that there are times I just cry because it kinda sucks sometimes. After being an oilfield wife for over six years, I think I have missed my husband more each time he leaves these past six months than when he has left us for rigs over the past six years.
And yet… I don’t regret having her. I would go through all of this again if it meant that I get to kiss those chubby cheeks every single day. Heck, I sometimes still think that we may try for one more. I might vent now and then about the lack of sleep, especially on a particularly bad night, but I am thankful I have her. My big kids get frustrated that their mom is a zombie for days at a time, but they are so proud to be a big brother and big sister. They are eager to show her the world and introduce her to what they think is cool! I vent because I feel so alone when my husband is away. I know that someday, I hope, she will sleep through the night (I really hope it is soon), and I will be the fun mom again. For now, I do things the best I can and make changes to the priorities in my life. Parenting is hard work. It sometimes seems like a never-ending battle with babies who don’t sleep, toddler tantrums, food aversions, attitudes, and all that. However, it goes by so quickly. My son is almost 12. He is almost my height. When I look at Sweet Pea, I see him at that age sometimes. It doesn’t seem that long ago. Yet, in a few years, he will be driving. Then he will go away to college, and while it seems far off now. I know it isn’t.
I am not saying to enjoy the sleepless nights because quite honestly, I was reduced to a blubbering mess by three a.m. last night. Sweet Pea’s latest bout of not sleeping has been going on for weeks. My husband has been gone for all but two days of the last three weeks, and I sleep maybe 2-4 hours a night. None of that is consecutive. I just wanted to say that if you are having a rough time with your baby…or toddler…or angsty tween for that matter, it’s not going to be like this forever. It’s not all sunshine and roses, but it’s only one part of the journey.
If you are feeling frustrated and need to vent, please feel free to do so in the comments below or join the discussion on Bear Haven Mama on Facebook.