Sometimes It’s hard to be happy when you just want to cry

My husband went back to work early this morning after being home for two days. The kids were all still sleeping, even the baby, and since I knew what awaited me when they would awake, I hunkered down in my bed to prepare myself for the day.

Photographer: PixArc

Photographer: PixArc

You see, my husband has been gone for little over two months. He got to come home for three days in that time, but the rest of it, he has been stuck on a rig that seems to never end. I know I should be thankful that he has a good job, especially when other oilfield workers are not so lucky right now. However, I find myself getting angry at his job, and so do the kids. We hate that he misses everything. Right now, I hate that he is missing seeing the baby do all sorts of new things. I take pictures and videos, but it is not the same. I know he is not happy about being gone, and I know he is sad that he is away from us, but sometimes I find myself getting so resentful…at him…his job…and sometimes even my friends for having husbands that come home every night or most nights.

The kids have been fighting all morning. School work has been a disaster. The baby has been one hot mess. I have tried to stay calm. I cried in the bathroom once this morning already. I am trying to currently take sanctuary in coffee while preparing myself for Cranky Baby: Round Two when the baby wakes from her nap. While the kids should be used to him being gone, long stints like this really hurt them because they just want their dad. With the baby, it is different because she doesn’t understand. I think she knows he is her dad, but she doesn’t understand why he is gone. I can’t explain it to her. I can just try to cuddle the confusion away. With the big kids, I get the full force of their frustration. I know they don’t mean it, but it hurts all the same.

With this long stint, I have started to worry how it will affect my husband’s and my relationship, his relationship with the kids, and our family dynamic. It is hard to keep good dynamics when the kids are angry and hurt. Sometimes I feel angry and hurt too. It’s hard to talk it out because he hasn’t been home and because he hasn’t been able to call much the past few weeks either.

When he was home the last two days, we just spent time as a family and tried to make the most of it. We all knew that he could be called back anytime, so we went to the park, cooked together, went out as a family, and tried to enjoy ourselves. Now that he is gone, I am trying to keep everyone on their schedules, trying to keep calm, and trying not to let the kids know that I am sad too.

I know families all have their struggles. This is ours. If you are in a long-distance relationship, enjoy the time you get with your significant other. If you have a spouse that is home every night, don’t take it for granted. Enjoy that time as a family.

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