I sat and watched my almost 12 year old and my baby at the playground today. Where did the time go? Wasn’t he just a baby yesterday? I feel like I blinked and suddenly ended up with a child who will be a teenager next year.
I watch the two together. I see Sweetpea make faces he used to make. I think back to how he used to be that small. I remember how he used to snuggle close with me at night. I remember how he used to give me slobbery kisses and hug me tight. I still get hugs, but I miss the cuddles. At his age, he is too cool to cuddle most of the time.
Our conversations are changing. No longer do the conversations revolve around Swiper and Dora or Thomas the Train. We talk about video games. We talk about movies that don’t have cartoon characters. We talk about world issues for goodness sake, and what is weirder is that he actually has formulated opinions on some issues. It’s weird to have an intellectual debate with your child. It really is.
I feel sometimes now like it is going too quickly. I just want time to slow down. I ask myself sometimes if I was a good enough mom when he was younger. Did I make mistakes? Did I screw him up somehow? I don’t think I did. He says I am a good mother, so I am hoping that means that he won’t need years of therapy when he gets older.
I look at his sister who will be nine soon. She is changing so much too. She feels awkward a lot right now. I don’t know how to fix it. She has always marched to her own beat, but she recently has become aware that her opinions and style are different from most kids her age. I want to tell her that her brother was like that a few years ago too, but I doubt she wants to hear it as they have been fighting daily for the last several days.
How did I end up with tweenagers? In some ways I just want my little guy and baby girl back. I miss the days of Nick Jr. with them and playing Play Doh. However, I am proud of them. I love their spirit. I love the people they are becoming.
I don’t want them to grow up so fast. I want them to stay little just a bit longer. However, I am trying to enjoy the moments we have because I know that these moments don’t last forever. In the blink of an eye, they won’t be children anymore and will have children of their own. It’s times like these that I am reminded that I need to slow it down so that I won’t miss those moments by being involved in life’s unimportant things. I want to enjoy more moments with my kids before my kids aren’t kids anymore.