I really thought we were done with this. I thought last year when he got laid off that it was a sign that maybe he could find another job, something that paid decently. I thought we could be that family I envisioned where he comes home every night, and we have family time. Instead, I am preparing today for my husband to go back to being a geologist in the oilfield.
I thought I came to terms with this already, and here I am trying to steady my hands. I am trying not to cry. I am trying to be happy that he has a good job when so many do not. I am trying to be grateful. I am trying to be positive. Yet…
…My heart is breaking right now. A lot of last year was spent trying to make sure he was able to have a good bond with our youngest because he missed so much of her first year. It is hard to get a 2-year old to understand that her daddy will not be home tonight, but he will come back in a few weeks, that he still loves her, that he is not abandoning her.
I feel bad for my husband because he is going to miss so much. He will once again miss holidays, recitals, toddler firsts, and so much more. While it is hard for me to hold the fort here and to be mommy and daddy while he is gone, I know it is hard for him to not be here with us even though he really does love being a geologist.
We have those dreams when we are younger, but rarely do they ever turn out how they are supposed to be. However, we adapt. We create new dreams. We move forward…because we have to do it…because that is life. Tonight, I will most likely be holding a crying child…or three. I will comfort them and try to keep it together for them. I will try not to cry once they are all in bed, and I am lying alone this night. I will try to be thankful. I do not want this, but once again I am the reluctant oilfield wife. I will try to be hopeful that we can make this all work and just make the time we have together count.