How I Used My Pain to Make a Difference


When I had my first miscarriage six years ago, I felt like my world turned upside down. I never felt so broken or empty in my life. At one point, my big kids even held an intervention because I took to wearing my pajamas in public and stopped getting dressed for the day. One of the few things that kept me going through the worst of it was writing about it…my story, my feelings, my heart. I took my pain and put it into words in hopes that others would find comfort in knowing they weren’t alone.

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I noticed something the other day…

The other day, I went to check Facebook and saw my notifications. In those notifications included a few more shares and comments for a post I did for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day a few years ago. I never realized the impact that it would have on others, yet almost every day, I see people comment or share that post because it meant something to them, like they were searching for a way to remember their baby. When I wrote it, I reflected on my loss and my feelings. I honestly didn’t think many would see it. Since then, it has been shared over 1000 times by people in their own season of loss. Some just lost their baby. Some wanted to share something to capture the way they felt on the anniversary of their loss. Many of them have been mothers, but I have seen the words from fathers and grandparents as well. My heart aches for them all.

As time goes on, it has gotten easier, but I still think of him now and then. I think of the activities he might enjoy. I wonder who he would have looked like. I ponder what kind of sense of humor he would have had. I dream sometimes that it didn’t happen. I have nightmares still of how it happened. While it hurts sometimes, I managed to move forward. I still write about it from time to time. I use my voice as a blogger and influencer to help others feel not so alone in this because in some ways, talking about miscarriage and loss is still taboo.

When my mind wanders, I find myself hugging Crankles a little tighter or giving the big kids a little extra hug. Luckily, they both still let me give hugs and don’t act all too for school about it. While I did not get a chance to get to know that baby, it does help to know that my words have helped others. For that, I am grateful.

In the spirit of wanting to help others, I offer this thread to you…to tell your story, to share, to talk about what helped you. I send love to you all.



  1. Jess
    December 13, 2018 at 9:46 pm

    I experienced a miscarriage about 5 years ago. I have a love hate relationship with social media. Because I announced the pregnancy, I had to announce the loss. It was difficult to talk about it at first but I found so much healing in being forced to talk about it. I also found so many women open up to me about their loss. I would have never guessed and never known about their experiences had I not shared mine and it made me sad that there is so much shame surrounding miscarriages which blocks the ability of instead receiving what is most needed- support and love. Thanks for sharing your story! ?

    • Misfit Mama Bear Haven
      December 14, 2018 at 5:40 am

      With my first one, everyone knew. I was showing, so it was obvious even if I didn’t announce it. With my second, only some knew as I was only 8 weeks along. I had one about a year or so ago, but I didn’t know until it happened so not many knew it happened either. Some of my friends shared their experiences when I shared mine. The most notable thing that came out of everything was that it was how I reconnected with one of my besties. She and I lost contact, but her fertility issues led her to my blog. When we finally got in touch again, she knew everything about my life because of finding my blog because of the topics I covered.

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