The Importance of Creating a Parenting Village and ACEs Prevention

As parents, we often hear the phrase, “It takes a village.” What does that even mean? Essentially, it means that we all need support now and then to provide safe, stable, nurturing relationships and environments for children and everyone can play a role. Our relationships prevent ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and buffer the impact when potentially traumatic events happen. Having a community is part of ACEs prevention, and today I want to talk about that in a little more detail.

This post is made possible with support from the American Academy of Pediatrics through a cooperative agreement with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. All opinions are my own.

 

The Importance of Strong Relationships for Children

Not too long ago, I shared my story about dealing with ACEs as a child and how it makes me want to lessen their impact on my children. 

One of the best ways to prevent or lessen the impact of ACEs in children is through positive relationships. Making sure that children have other positive influences in their lives helps prevent or lessen the impact of potential ACEs. Stress can be toxic. However, having help in dealing with that stress because a child has a positive, safe environment makes all the difference. 

We want to make sure we have positive relationships, organizations, and other support for our children. However, we can also in turn be those nurturing, supportive relationships for others as well. Think of the village you want for you and your family as a circle. You want positive role models and relationships for your children, and in turn, you want to be those for others as well. Sometimes, we need those relationships for our families. Other times, we can be those relationships for other families. 

 

Coming to Terms in Thinking of a Village as a Circle

When one thinks of a circle, you think of something continuous, right? Putting my village into perspective as being a circle has been key for me when reaching out to get help for me and my children and then giving help down the road.

When I was younger, I had a habit of being the person who was always there for others. I had some transactional friendships that made me feel someone was keeping score, demanding something in return whenever I leaned into the friendship. It doesn’t create a good environment or be a source of true support. At that time, I was also on the giving end a lot in being someone’s person and making sure that teens in my community had someone to talk to and trust. This had a lot to do with having exchange students and the fact that they were comfortable with me. Therefore, they would send their friends to me for support as well. During that time period, I ended up having a lot of experience giving help and support, but not a lot of experience in gathering support.

When my family became the ones in need…

When I first started having health issues, I had a hard time reaching out because of the patterns I had with previous friendships. However, I had a few friends that kept showing up. They also kept checking in on my kids and giving them support because it wasn’t easy for my children to deal with a mom who was sick a lot. 

This allowed me to open a dialogue with those friends about my fears and past experiences with unhelpful friendships. It opened the door to begin building a village, a positive one. The fact of the matter is that sometimes we need help. In those instances, we may not be emotionally capable of giving that same help back in that moment. Maybe the people helping us may not ever need that same help in return. However, someone else might later down the road. That is how we keep the cycle going. We get help when needed, and we give it when we can.

 

 

How Does This Relate to Being Part of the 3?

Just like we need those relationships to help our children prevent ACEs, we can be that positive support as well within our community. I’ve spoken in the past of #findyour3, which means finding three avenues for support through relationships or organizations. Of course, more is even better, though three felt like a do-able level for everyone to reach.

On an individual level, when we see a child in need of extra support, we can provide that support. We can also help on a community level by volunteering or donating to organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters. Also, we can help on a national level as well by educating others about the benefits of programs such as Paid Family Leave that enable parents to be there for their kids. 

These are all ways that we can help prevent ACEs. It’s not just adverse events that are the issue. We can weather the bad moments in life when we have a support system and strong relationships.

 

And What Happens if You Need to Find Your 3?

If you are in the part of the cycle where you need support instead, it is important to make sure that you know your 3, too! While we don’t want our children to go through stressful situations that may affect them down the road, sometimes it is out of our control. However, the coping skills and relationships we provide can make all the difference.

Make sure you have friends in your circle that your kids trust. Having friends that will reach out to your children and be there when your child needs an adult other than you is key! Also, you can utilize community organizations as well. And don’t forget that your pediatrician can be a wealth of resources as well and connect you to help when you need it! Don’t just go to the pediatrician when your child is sick. Go to your pediatrician when you need parental support because they can direct you to resources.

 

 

 The Wrap Up

Having nurturing relationships for your children is key to preventing ACEs. Being able to be a nurturing adult for others in your community is helpful as well. When we think of it as being a circle, we can think of it in a positive way that we all help each other, which is what being part of a parenting village is all about.

I hope you found this helpful and know that parenting is hard, but we are all in this together. Having support and giving support is one of the things that prevent ACEs and helps promote positive child development. This is why I am part of someone else’s ‘three,’ and I want you to be, too.

As always, I would love to hear from you, so feel free to share your experiences or things that might help in the comments below!