Pouring my Heart out

Little over three years ago, my husband changed careers to work as a geologist in the oilfield. While I am happy he has a job, sometimes I have a hard time accepting the constant changes that come with it. It is a hard life. I ended up joining a few online support groups for Oilfield Wives because it gets so lonely. Anyways…he changed companies at the end of the summer, and for the first time in three years, we actually had a fairly predictable schedule, one I could actually like. It helped so much because as any oilfield wife (or wife of a husband who has to be gone from family for long periods of time) would tell you, it puts a serious strain on your marriage and relationship. For the first time in a very long time, my husband and I were able to actually reconnect and work on our marriage. Life was good.
However, tonight, we had a curveball thrown our way. My husband’s rig will be laying down after the first of the year. So he will be sent somewhere else. We live in Pennsylvania. He has already worked Kansas, Missouri, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Montana, and North Dakota.  Now he will be working in Canada. His schedule will change, and we will only see him for about a week out of the month (I am not sure if that includes travel time or not). Needless to say, I am a little taken aback right now.
My husband assures me that it is not forever, and I don’t want to complain to him or even complain about his job when I feel damn lucky that he has one. However, it hurts so bad. Our marriage is starting to heal. Our relationship is blossoming. Our kids love seeing him more. We were even contemplating having another child. Now I just don’t know. He assured me it will be okay, but unfortunately, I remember the last time he had to go so far away. In 2010 because of the distance and everything else, we saw each other about 60 days of the entire year. It put a serious strain on our marriage and really wore me out. I know it wore him out as well.
I know he is excited about the opportunity. Maybe it will all work out in the end, but right now I just want to eat all the holiday goodies the kids and I made yesterday until I am in a white flour and sugar induced haze and then crawl under my covers and hide for a while.
He won’t be home for the holidays, and next month, he won’t even be in the same country. To all of you with spouses who have to go far away for long periods of time, how do you do it because I feel like my heart is breaking right now?



  1. Melinda
    December 16, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    that’s a tough situation to be in. the only thing you can do is try to stay connected through the phone or Skype while he’s gone and really pack in the quality time when he’s home. Hoping it doesn’t last forever.

    • bearhaven
      December 17, 2011 at 5:04 am

      I really need to get more acquainted with Skype. For now we mostly use FB.

  2. Joey Fortman
    December 16, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Awe! I’m sorry to hear that-but also have a sense of excitement for you! Your post has a great sign of optimism in it. And that’s the most important piece to have….really. I can’t say I relate on the husband working far away-but I do have a husband who works 24/7. Even when he’s home-he’s not really ‘all there’. And I know the really awful strain it put on our marriage.
    All I can say is stay strong! Find more support. People who can help you. (I know that’s hard too! My family is in St. Louis and my husbands family in Chicago!)
    And Skype. A LOT. =) Have a date with your husband on Skype. Close down all your other programs but Skype to keep from getting distracted. Both of you sit down in front of it…no kids around….heck-maybe even light some candles on both ends! And TALK. RELATE. LOOK INTO EACH OTHERS EYES. And mean your moment you have.
    Joey Fortman

    • bearhaven
      December 17, 2011 at 5:07 am

      My family is 500 miles away in Ohio, so I can relate to the far away family. The Skype date sounds like a wonderful idea. Making sure that our relationship is still growing and maturing is the most important thing right now. And goodness knows, I have enough candles for the both of us.
      I do want to stay optimistic for him. It is a great opportunity. He has a real talent for his field, and it is awesome how many doors have opened for him. I will miss him though, but we will figure it all out eventually.

  3. makinglemonadeblog
    December 17, 2011 at 4:27 am

    I’m sorry, that sounds very hard. My husband travels (but only for a week or so at a time) and I know how difficult it can be. Can’t imagine if it were extended travel. I don’t have any advice (except Skype is great, as Joey said). Is there any possibility your family could move closer to where he works? Darby from Fly Through Our Window had a similar situation (her husband is an archeologist) and after living apart for a year they decided to move to him. I’m sure you’ve already thought about that so the answer is no, but I thought I’d throw it out there.
    I wonder if there are any military wives you could reach out to, they would certainly have advice about dealing with extended separation. In the meantime, go eat some goodies and crawl in bed and have a good cry. You’ll feel better in the morning, even if just for awhile. Good luck…

    • bearhaven
      December 17, 2011 at 5:09 am

      We talked today that if it is long term, we may get an apartment as a part-time resident. The thing about his field is that he stays on location when he is out there, and it is often in the middle of nowhere. Thank you for your kind words!

  4. DeDe
    December 21, 2011 at 7:21 am

    Oh, I am so sorry to hear this. I just found you and posted to you on Living My Moment. I understand about your world changing – I feel like I have been in constant transition for the last 6 years while my husband had been in the same industry. It is brutal. It is hard. Even though I would not wish this life style on anyone, I am so glad I found another family living making it work. i am so encouraged by you and would love to be able to talk on email or FB soon.

  5. bearhaven
    December 22, 2011 at 6:12 am

    Hi DeDe! I would love to connect with you. You can always email me with the email address on my contact page. I love connecting with other Oilfield Wives because I sometimes feel like the odd one out among everyone. 🙂

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