I will be the first to admit that I hate change, unless it is moving the furniture around my house. In that case, I love to do that and do it often.
However, in life, I detest change. I like things the way they are. I want things straightforward, no surprises, and I would also like it if life would throw me a bone every now and then.
As you may know, if you have been reading my blog (if you haven’t, grab a cup of coffee and settle in. I’ll wait.), that the last couple of years haven’t been easy for me or my family. I feel like my blog is chaotic and a good representation of my life the past few years. My family and I have dealt with infertility, bullies, scary neighbors, job changes, marital struggles, business copycats, and more. Quite honestly, my coping mechanism has been to become more hard of heart, distrustful, and bitter. Not a good combination.
Last month, with the new year looming, I forced myself to take a long hard look at life after getting caught up in dealings with volunteer work and my business. Why do I keep putting myself in the same position to get hurt? Why do I let things like copycats and bullies get me down? How can I just move forward, find happiness, and just be content?
I have spent the last seven years trying to get a business going. Quite honestly, it is more of a hobby, I suppose. I went from making extra cash at craft fairs to putting all my efforts into planning parties and then decided to most recently branch into a toy store. Meanwhile, my heart has been less and less interested. I couldn’t pin point what was making me unhappy, just that I was not enjoying any of it. It has bothered me to put so much effort into something and have people copy me or try to pose as my business. Quite honestly, it’s been frustrating to deal with it. It is exhausting to volunteer in my town when it seems like so many people are fighting each other, instead of working together because working together could bring business for us all. So I started to think about the things I did enjoy about it, like the smiles I bring to kids for their special day, the fact that I actually know my stuff in regards to toys, dolls, and parties (even if I haven’t been writing about it here as much as I should). I love how my daughter likes to pretend that she has her own business and plans to have her own restaurant when she grows up. At the very least, I have given her an entrepreneurial spirit. However, it all has been a bit much lately, so I decided it was time to change. I have taken a step back from my volunteer work and let my co-administrators take the reins more or less. I worked out a plan with a friend to start taking over my local parties, partly because I think she would enjoy it and partly so that I can focus on the online aspect of my business. It’s been a change I have needed to make, but I have been hesitant on doing.
I have decided that I need to work towards being a kinder, gentler person and what better time to start than the holidays. Enter operation Cookie Drop. If you know me well, you know that I am the one who cheats at the cookie exchange every year. In fact, one year, I made no attempts at hiding it when I brought in a Dunkin Donuts box with doughnut holes as my “cookie.” Let’s face it, if I didn’t do it, I would get no cookies, and then my kids and husband would have to have store bought cookies. I was saving them from that… Yup, that’s it. Let’s go with that excuse.
Ok, so what was Operation Cookie Drop? Well, I made cookies this year…and not a small amount. No no no. I just kept baking and baking and baking. The kids and their friend made a ton of sugar cookies. Then I made some cookies…and then I made some more. I packed them in bags. I sent them to the field with my husband. I sent them to the neighbors two doors down. I sent them to the neighbors behind me and across the street. I was like the mad cookie woman on the street. And you know what, it felt good. It put me in the holiday spirit for the first time in years. By the time Christmas rolled around, I was really excited to celebrate. I had fun. I spent it with family and friends. I ate at the kids’ table, of course. I really don’t think I will ever make it to the adult table in life. My kids had a better holiday because of my better attitude to the holiday season.
And it is with all these thoughts and sentiments that I have decided that for 2014, my word of the year is change. If I don’t like how my life is going, then it is time to change it. If I am unhappy, then I need to get to the root of it and change it. If my friends are treating me rotten, then I need new ones. (I don’t really see that one happening as I seemed to have thinned my list last year and quite honestly have the greatest group of people who love me, even at my darkest of times)
It is time for me to get out of the slump, to stop being a doormat, and to start changing my life, instead of being content to settle for the hurt and hurdles that life throws at me and my family.
I challenge you all to think of a word to describe what you want for this year. What is it in life that you need? Feel free to share in the comments below!
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