Ways you can tell you are a good mom…even when you don't feel like one
Those of you who follow me on social media or have followed this blog for long enough may have noticed I haven’t been posting a lot. While I have been trying to do more lately, I find myself choosing between getting through an activity with the kids or writing. I choose the kids every time. I am getting more done, but my concentration still kinda sucks.
One of the things that I have learned through this whole experience is how I see myself as a mother. Sometimes I feel like an utter failure. I have to take naps most days. I say no a lot more than I used to in regards to activities and events. I don’t have a lot of energy. However, I have realized that this does not make me a bad mother, and sometimes as parents, I think we are a little hard on ourselves.
Ways we know we are doing okay…
I was watching my girls play. They are usually pretty happy kids…Okay, so as I am writing this, they started fighting about something. Apparently, the three year old wanted to get something else out to play and was reminded about how we have to put away toys when we are done. Rather than ask me, they decided to fight about it. They are back to playing dolls now like nothing ever happened. And that…is just the thing. They play together. They are happy. They get to see friends and love socializing. However, when they are at home, they are content doing whatever here too, and even when they argue, they can problem solve and be back to pals a few minutes later. To see my kids settled lets me know they are well-adjusted.
How they communicate with us…
My kids and I have an open line of communication. They come to me when they are bothered by something. We snuggle. We talk. Even if they are disappointed as to why we cut something from our schedule, we discuss it. I know who my kids’ friends are. I know what they like to do…their interests. It’s important to know these things and to be active in their lives. They also know that I am actively working on a solution and the constant trips to doctors won’t be forever. I want them to know that I am trying to be there for them now and hopefully years from now.
The Ways they show us love…
Having a close relationship with your kids is a sign that we are doing okay. When I say close relationship, I mean that your kids are showing empathy to us and the world around us as well. This past weekend, my son threw me a surprise birthday party. It was one of the sweetest gestures that anyone has ever done for me. He and I do not always agree on things, but the fact that he came up with this idea and planned it out, including bringing in a friend to help bake shows love. He knows I have been having a rough time and wanted to give me something that would bring me joy. A family’s relationship is give and take and being there for each other in good times and bad. Seeing the love that went into the gesture and how beautifully executed his plan was made me feel like I did something good (even if it was just passing down my party planning skills). When we can show our kids ways to love and show love to others, we are preparing them for a life that they can bring that kind of action to others and hopefully make their world a better place as adults.
If you struggle with chronic illness like me, you might feel like you are failing your family, but know that you are not. While we may not have as much energy, we can still be good parents and help our kids become amazing adults. We just have to work with what we have and keep plugging away. I hope this helps, and I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.